Do you ever have one of those days when just waking up pisses you off...? I have lately, and its been getting to my overall mood somewhat. I know I'm not a morning person, but geez. I'm just getting burned out rather quickly. I'm just so tired of not getting enough sleep, eating sandwiches all the freaken time because that's what I can afford, and doing nothing but photoshop and illustrator work half the time during the week and weekends. It's just...killing my mood or whatever is left of it by the time Thursday is done. I want time to myself and I can't seem to get it no matter what.

I just have so many deadlines to meet and not enough time to meet them in. There is my final project in Digital Illustration class due at Week 11, my final project for Photoshop II due at week 10, my endangered species presentation and report due Week 11, my final test in Ethics on Week 10 or 11, my final Biology test on Week 10 or 11, god knows what we do in English and Composition II, and then the AMV contest where entries are due on April 1, 2009. I don't even -know- if I'll be able to make the deadline for that and I really, honestly want to. I wanted to throw something into the mix this year, see where I stand with the judges and audience. I could always enter next year, but I was looking forward to entering this year and so were others. I wouldn't know what to tell them if I can't make the deadline, I hate disappointing people, it's not in my blood to do so. I try my best at everything I do, because everyone I usually know expects high standards from me. It's probably the reason that I push myself so much and burn myself out quicker, because so many people depend on my success instead of just myself.

It's crazy I tell you. Just once, I wish I didn't have a 300 pound weight on my shoulder all the time where even the slightest hint of failure may tip the scale and just drag me down to rock bottom instantly. I wish I wasn't so confined in this mold I'm suppose to fill.

I'm just....exhausted physically and mentally. Don't get me wrong, learning new skills in photoshop and illustrator is great and well, this is expectant of college with sleep deprivation issues and financial issues. But I'm just getting to the point I really just want to stop caring. But, luckily, I'm not that stupid and I won't forsake my degree even if hell freezes over. I'm just not that kind of person to forsake my values and morals so easily.

The only good thing that has really happened to me at all during this quarter is my birthday and everything that relates to that and this little NTHS award. I just want some "me" time, personal time, whatever you may call it. I just want to be alone and beside myself if only for a minute and hear nothing but the sound of my own breathing and have no thoughts of deadlines or homework in my head. Sadly, I can't have that luxury til the end of March so I guess I should just try to last through the remaining weeks of the quarter. I need a break....-badly-.