Do you ever have one of those days when just waking up pisses you off...? I have lately, and its been getting to my overall mood somewhat. I know I'm not a morning person, but geez. I'm just getting burned out rather quickly. I'm just so tired of not getting enough sleep, eating sandwiches all the freaken time because that's what I can afford, and doing nothing but photoshop and illustrator work half the time during the week and weekends. It's just...killing my mood or whatever is left of it by the time Thursday is done. I want time to myself and I can't seem to get it no matter what.

I just have so many deadlines to meet and not enough time to meet them in. There is my final project in Digital Illustration class due at Week 11, my final project for Photoshop II due at week 10, my endangered species presentation and report due Week 11, my final test in Ethics on Week 10 or 11, my final Biology test on Week 10 or 11, god knows what we do in English and Composition II, and then the AMV contest where entries are due on April 1, 2009. I don't even -know- if I'll be able to make the deadline for that and I really, honestly want to. I wanted to throw something into the mix this year, see where I stand with the judges and audience. I could always enter next year, but I was looking forward to entering this year and so were others. I wouldn't know what to tell them if I can't make the deadline, I hate disappointing people, it's not in my blood to do so. I try my best at everything I do, because everyone I usually know expects high standards from me. It's probably the reason that I push myself so much and burn myself out quicker, because so many people depend on my success instead of just myself.

It's crazy I tell you. Just once, I wish I didn't have a 300 pound weight on my shoulder all the time where even the slightest hint of failure may tip the scale and just drag me down to rock bottom instantly. I wish I wasn't so confined in this mold I'm suppose to fill.

I'm just....exhausted physically and mentally. Don't get me wrong, learning new skills in photoshop and illustrator is great and well, this is expectant of college with sleep deprivation issues and financial issues. But I'm just getting to the point I really just want to stop caring. But, luckily, I'm not that stupid and I won't forsake my degree even if hell freezes over. I'm just not that kind of person to forsake my values and morals so easily.

The only good thing that has really happened to me at all during this quarter is my birthday and everything that relates to that and this little NTHS award. I just want some "me" time, personal time, whatever you may call it. I just want to be alone and beside myself if only for a minute and hear nothing but the sound of my own breathing and have no thoughts of deadlines or homework in my head. Sadly, I can't have that luxury til the end of March so I guess I should just try to last through the remaining weeks of the quarter. I need a break....-badly-.

So as of lately, you're all probably wondering....what ever happened to dear, lil ol' Heather...? Right? Right...? Yea, I knew it, no one loves me. Anyways....I've been really busy on and off between college, family, friends, and hobbies. That's right, hobbies, and hobbies that don't include drawing whatsoever. GASP! Scandalous! Ludicrous! Unforgivable! OMGWTFBBQ sauce! Yup, no art...

Perhaps, you're asking why? or why not? Because all I ever do at school is draw, draw, and draw. And ironically, nothing I even like to draw half the time. So I've been on an artist's block since the...well...start of college really. Maybe I'll get back in the mood and draw some more worthy pieces. For now it's been meh...

Also, on another unrelated note. I've been addicted to this character from an anime. Her name is Reinforce, some of you may have heard of her....I LOVE HER TO DEATH. @%#%@#$@%$ MOST AWESOME CHARACTER I HAVE YET TO KNOW EVER! So...I've been a little bit addicted to Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha A's. Yup....that's all I have to say for the moment. Enjoy.

Okay...I know it's been a while since I last updated this blog type...thing...argh. Anyways, I'm not one for writing in journals and online diaries of sorts. I don't know why but journaling frustrates me. Maybe because I'm an art major not a literary major. Well, since we're a bit off topic and sidetracked and talking about college and art. OH MY GOD! HOW MUCH MORE OF ALL THIS WORK ARE THEY GOING TO GIVE ME! Arghhhhhh.....it's just so suffocating inside and outside lately, but then again. It -is- college after all, so I suppose I need to stop complaining and suck it up.

Good god....I've been drawing, sketching, coloring, painting, xeroxing...yes xeroxing...wait is that even a word...? Anyways, lots o' stuff I've been making and doing. On a plus, this quarter is almost over and I get a 4 week break starting in a couple weeks, thank god. I need the R&R before my head explodes and my hands fall off from so much art. Which is precisely the reason why I never upload much to here anymore, cause I just get so tired of doing art, I don't make anything fun for deviant cause lately it's been some serious business and....drama...oh yes...the drama of college. Although, it seems to not affect me so much as I tend to ignore it and let it go. So sad, I know.

Hopefully my pile of projects... *eyes her closet wearily with a glare*...won't consume anymore of my free time and maybe I'll get some new stuff on here. Oh! Speaking of new stuff..after being inspired by several artists on here and you can tell by my recent additions in my favorites gallery, I've been inspired to start my own series of the Elements (fire, wind, water, earth, and so on and so forth) and make them super special awesome! So far, I have a general layout and rough final copy of fire done, whenever I get around to sketching it better to get the kinks out and tweaking it with photoshop or whatever...I'll scan it for all to see the SSA (super special awesome).

Yay! Christmas vacation is coming up soon and I get to be at home for 3 or 4 weeks of relaxation and doing nothing. Hahahaha! I need a little time off from college, it was starting to wear me down I think. I'm going to enjoy being at home for those 3 to 4 weeks so much. I miss my mom a lot and my kitties. I know that being in college now, I'm suppose to grow up a little, but I love my mom and were like best friends. So, of course I would miss her a lot, even if other girls and my roommates don't miss their parents at all. What can I say, I'm a mommy's girl and damn proud of it. I'm also excited because well X-mas plus money plus me plus mom = GIFTS!!!
Aside from my mom and grandma, I also miss my cats sooooooooo badly. I do have six of them you know, and I love all six of them with my heart and soul. Granted, I maybe miss two or three out of the six the most, but I love them all equally anyways. I miss my two destructive boys, Cyan and Storm. For cats, they are quite affectionate towards me, it's wonderful. The only thing I'm probably not so excited about is the simple little fact that my wisdom teeth have to be surgically removed when I come back since they're causing my teeth to overcrowd. God, I hate that so much. Oh yeah! I'm leaving to go back home next Thursday evening, only 1 and a half week of this quarter left! WOOHOO! It'll be nice to have a computer all the time again since mine is reluctantly left at home because it hates travel and travel hates it. I know I have some very good friends here at college and I love them to death too, but I will never pass up a chance to go home when I can.
Also, I'm getting a lot of new games for X-mas and new stuff. It's the same every year, I always know what I'm getting because I make up a list for my mom to buy. This year I'm getting Rogue Galaxy, Okami, Tales of the Abyss, Cooking Mama, a guidebook for Tales of the Abyss and maybe Okami too, um....what else....I may get WindWaker too and well I forgot the rest....sorry . Anyways, I'm going to be quite busy over break with only 3 or 4 weeks to play all those games by the time I go back, hehe. Well, wish me luck on my finals and final projects so when I go home, I have nothing to worry about as far as grades and my GPA!!!


~Sayonara~

P.S. I can't help it, I love that Hysterical emoticon. >.<;;

I've been inspired as of lately to work on something once again, I guess art school will do that to you. I mean, the environment and all and looking at different perspective and things all day long. There's inspiration and muses all around me there. Though, once in a while, I'll still feel kinda blocked, but I suppose that happens to everyone too. Anyways, college is going okay I suppose, I'm doing well in my classes and my roomies are nice and the dorm room is pretty nice. Still, I never expect to do this much work, but then that's college. It's not going to be as easy as high school and much more demanding. Oh well, all that can really be done is to try my best no matter what at everything I do; on tests, reports, homework, and art projects. I'm going for a Bachelors in Graphic Design, which looks to be pretty fun kinda. I figured its a good career to settle into and its drawing, and drawing is well, something I love to do. Though sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad, so I'll just have to take it in strides is all. I've met some really cool people at college and we've become fast friends so at least I'm not lonely anymore. I hope this quarter goes well as I have a pretty decent schedule, but a lot of classes. I figured I'd update this before I really started getting busy. Anyways, I'll try to get the first piece done in a series I wanna do maybe by the time I have to go back to college on Saturday. If not, well I suppose I could work on it in college in between assignments if I get any free-time. Peace out!